Let him breathe. Give him a space which he can identify as his own. Remember he is a guest in your territory and will always maintain that status even if he stays long enough to acquire citizenship; your home will never truly be his home. I know, you will say things like, “Mi casa es tu casa.” But the subtext tells him it is your home and you are sharing it. It is not his home.
The ideal place, or space, he can occupy is most likely where he works. Don’t invade his livelihood, unless he invites you into that space, and if he does, be aware he may be selective in the process. He is not asking you to bring your entire lifestyle and accoutrements in with his invitation. If you are his connection to his new residence, he likely wants to be able to share with you some part of his life that is proprietary to return the favor of your sharing the other 95% of his quotidian activities. Remember, 100% of the space is yours but you must cede that small portion where he feels in charge to him and then act the guest. Failure to respect this small portion of the extranjero’s space is probably the greatest reason to send one packing. You are “at home” 100% of the time, but the extranjero is never truly at home. Play nice.
Respect that his ideas and ideals may be different from yours. This refers to food, customs, entertainment, lifestyle. The extranjero is an adventurer. If one has come this far, he is probably open to experiment, but has a lifetime of experiences already behind him. It is not that easy to change however strong the initial effort or drive may be. It is like the non-swimmer who likes to dip his toes in the water before plunging. Pushing one into strange waters can produce irreversible shock to the system. Give the experimenter time and realize that everyone’s “time” is different. Because you had a cousin that learned a foreign language in six months and seemed as fluent as a native speaker within two years, does not mean everyone can do so within the same timeframe. Your new friend may never become fully accustomed, despite a strong desire to do so.
Meet him halfway. Don’t make him do all the work of becoming accustomed. Surely you have heard the old maxim that the best way for one to learn a foreign language is by becoming fully immersed in the experience. For some this may be true, but in my experience it is scary to feel lost without a signpost. Speaking only your native language all the time is just as debilitating to the extranjero’s development as constantly deferring to his. Remember, everyone he comes into contact with, who is not yet a friend, will take care of this chore. As a friend, and most likely the reason for his being in your country, you must be the signpost. If you care about acclimatizing your new friend, you must be aware of his “moments”, those times when he is ready to try. While it is true that children can and must learn by constant exposure, it has been proven that adults are resistant to this practice. If you speak nothing but your native language to the extranjero, the process of becoming accustomed starts to feel like a second job. Likewise, if you constantly defer to his, he will become lazy about the process and avoid situations where that “work” is required. Become alert to the signals. Learn to recognize the openings.
Be honest. Of course, when these “chores” begin to feel like too much work to you, perhaps it is time to admit you’ve had enough. You can never be friends with someone for whom you must “work” all the time. Let your friend know that you need a break. Don’t depend on subtlety to get your message across. The other will read your discomfort as betrayal. Don’t try to arrange things to appear as if they have happened by chance, and don’t lie. Even a “white lie” can be a form of betrayal. Case in point: you have been invited to spend the evening with the extranjero and some of his co-workers. He is trying to mix his two worlds (It is one of those moments.), and you take charge by inviting cousins or friends to casually drop by at a place they are not known to frequent to join the party. Unless your new friend is ignorant, in which case such a ploy would not be transparent, your maneuver will clearly be read as your reaffirming of his “guest” status, someone whose social activities must be managed by a firmer hand. This kind of set-up may be appreciated by a newcomer of a couple of weeks or less, but is insulting to someone who has been in in situ for several months or more. It is condescending and sends the signal that you have made a private assessment of the other’s social development and found him wanting. You are trying to change your 95% into 100%. If in truth, you were the one who would feel uncomfortable without your “back-up” in a group of extranjeros, it would have been better to make other arrangements at the outset.
